BIRTH AS A RITE OF PASSAGE: Embracing Birth as a Sacred Transition
Photo of me navigating transition as my husband helps to anchor me
As I lay vibrating on my bed, writhing in discomfort, nearly drowning in the mystery of it all, I realized - this must be it. I’m at the threshold, about to step through the portal, about to leave my identity as a maiden and become a mother. I was in transition.
I often speak about the sacredness of birth as a rite of passage. But let’s back up.
What’s a rite of passage anyway?
Why do rites of passage matter and why should you care?
And finally, what is so special about birth as a rite of passage?
Dive into these questions and discover answers with me as you keep reading…
What is a right of passage?
A rite of passage is a ritual or an event marking a significant transition in life. This life event can usually be split into a three part process -
The Separation
The Transition
And the reintegration
The Separation
The separation is the breaking away from the old identity on the way to a new one. It is a separation from what is known as one moves into the mystery of what is yet to be known.
There are often elements of distancing - physical, emotional, or symbolic. Distance from certainty. This distancing can be conscious or unconscious and often invokes a sense of loss, disorientation, or challenge while moving into the mystery.
The separation marks the beginning of a significant transformation. In order to move through a big transition with more ease, this phase requires surrender and the release of the old identity.
Even if the incoming transformation and identity shift is perceived as positive (Birth, a wedding, graduation, etc.) there are often still feelings of resistance, fear, and even grief. Resistance to change, fear of the unknown, and grief over what must be lost in order to gain the identity on the other side of the transition.
When the moments of separation are honored consciously, we prepare the soil of our being for the transformation. We acknowledge what was but is no longer so that we can welcome our new identity with more gracefulness.
The Transition
The transition phase is the space in-between. When we are not what we were but are not yet who we’ll become. In the transition we exist between worlds and often feel wrapped in uncertainty. The initiation usually feels challenging and momentous.
In transition the old identity is gone and the new one has yet to take full shape. The transition phase often feels like a test - stretching us and requiring more of us than we’re sure if we can bear. It can lead us to feeling stuck between two worlds and in excruciating discomfort.
Transition often requires death - the shedding of attachments, beliefs, and the old identity. And considering the intensity of this phase, it is often (at least traditionally) supported by elders, mentors, or experienced guides. A sacred guide helps the person in transition to stay grounded and anchored in the mystery not lost in the sea of the unknown. (*cough* a birth doula)
Near the end of transition something shifts internally - clicks into place or breaks open. The breaking must be welcomed. This phase of transition cannot be circumvented; it is absolutely vital to the transformation.
And from my own experience I know - you don’t want to skip this step. Go into it wholeheartedly, knowing that you will be challenged almost beyond what you can hold, but that you’ve got this. And you’ll not only make it through, you will come out the other side as a whole new version of yourself. And the best part is that this new version of yourself will be stronger, more courageous, knowing wholeheartedly how much you are able to bear.
The Reintegration
The reintegration is the final phase of the transformation. This phase is uniquely important and sadly, in modern day rites of passage, often overlooked. We are often expected to slide into our new identity seamlessly as if we haven’t just been through the ride of a lifetime and shaken to our core. This can lead to feelings of confusion and loneliness.
The reintegration is about fully embracing and stepping into the new identity. True integration leads us to live differently and embody the new role on the other side of the threshold. This new version of you deserves to be embraced and celebrated by your community. With recognition and celebration we can better integrate what we’ve experienced, embody the lessons, and share with the community all that we’ve learned.
When reintegration is honored and the transformation is acknowledged, we feel supported, more confident, and empowered to fully step into the new identity.
Why Rites of Passage Matter
Conscious navigation through life’s rites of passages provides structure, meaning, and reverent acknowledgment of our growth and personal evolution. Without it, we may be more resistant to change and therefore to growth. With it, we better embody new roles and new iterations of ourselves.
Without honoring our rites of passage we may not fully process big changes and may backtrack, slide back into old versions of ourselves, adopt old roles when we thought we’d moved on, and experience a general sense of lost meaning.
Birth as A Rite of Passage
Birth is a significant rite of passage for two. For mother and for baby. Not to mention for fathers, grandmothers, etc. For a baby, it’s the first rite. For a mother it’s arguably the most significant rite she’s faced yet. Birth feels like the perfect example of a rite of passage and its three phases, so let’s take a look:
For baby, in the moment of conception separation begins. Separation from the spirit being of light and potentiality that baby once was as he or she begins to form as flesh in the womb. Nothing is more mysterious, more magical than the months that cells are multiplying to become a new being that is destined to create ripples in the collective.
We can honor baby in the separation by talking to him or her- beginning to interact and relate and assure them that all is well, that they are safe and protected and loved. The mother can change her behavior in ways that she deems necessary and remove or add habits that benefit both her and the growing child.
When the time is right and labor begins, the baby moves through the transition phase alongside his or her mother. Yes, their transitions are happening simultaneously; they share all three phases of this rite of passage even as they’re having vastly different experiences. In transition, baby navigates the pelvis, emerges through the cervix, moves down, is squeezed through the birth canal by the strength of the uterus, and emerges into a whole new world.
We can honor baby through transition by allowing them the best chance to be greeted gracefully, not drugged, not sucked out via vacuum, pulled with forceps, or worse. We must do our very best to welcome each baby with reverence. In special cases, birth may require medical intervention, and especially then, we must do everything in our power to treat birth as sacred.
Keeping the baby attached to the mother via the cord and skin to skin contact is one practical way to slow down and sanctify this transition. Sometimes we have to fight like vicious mama bears for gentle outcomes, especially when the conventional system in place to handle birth often treats the event as dangerous or a problem to be solved. Decisions made by mothers in the separation phase will greatly contribute to the outcomes of transition.
After birth, baby faces the reintegration phase where they must face their new identity as an earth being, no longer a womb dweller. No longer surrounded by the wet darkness and the sounds of mother’s breath and heartbeat, but faced with bright lights and feelings of cold and hunger for the first time.
Their reintegration must be supported by the community - their parents - in fact they are absolutely dependent on it. Unlike the mother, this community support cannot be overlooked- the baby would not survive. It is common knowledge that babies need to be taken care of and it is my hope that the collective remembers that mothers also require and deserve tender care.
For a mother, pregnancy is the phase of separation. She is deep in the mystery, navigating new emotions and sensations. Her body is not fully her own and she is moving further away from the maiden (or mother of one+) that she was as she moves toward this new iteration of herself as mother (or mother of more).
The mother can ritualize her pregnancy with supportive daily habits done consciously and lovingly. She can seek support from friends and family and ask them to gather around her and shower her with love and blessings. Most importantly, she can honor her rite of passage in this phase by making conscious intuitive decisions during her pregnancy about birth and the postpartum period. Her intentional preparation for what’s ahead will pave the way.
The transition phase occurs when labor begins. There is the transition within the transition, when she becomes fully dilated - fully open - and ready to begin releasing her baby down the birth canal. She must fully surrender to the sensations. No holding back, no holding on to what was, but fully going into the challenge, into the discomfort, into the darkness and mystery. Only then can she come out the other side. The only way out is through.
A mother can honor her transition phase by creating her sacred space(s) for the birthing process. Intentionally setting up spaces that feel cozy, comforting and beautiful. She can also select the most supportive team of people to hold her through this process, unless she desires solitude. Educating her partner ahead of time on how to best support her and maybe bringing in a doula to hold space for them both. Protecting her birth space is the ultimate mama bear move.
Just as the transition phase ends and baby and placenta are born - now she enters reintegration. Keeping the umbilical cord intact as long as possible can help to ease this transition. She’s now mother, no longer maiden. She’s now forever changed, body, mind, and spirit. In birth, it’s my belief that this phase requires the most gentleness. It’s my own experience that gave me this belief, but I’ll save that story for another blog post since this one is getting lengthy.
A mother can honor her reintegration phase by giving herself as much grace as she can muster up. She requires her community now more than ever. She requires nourishment of body, mind, and spirit. How, you ask?
Nourishment of body through hot meals made with wholesome ingredients and provided by friends and family (or cooked by the mother herself ahead of time and frozen.) Gentle massage with warm oil. The laying of hands on her- by others or by her own hands. The freedom to cry and express however she needs.
Nourishment of mind through the ceaseless encouragement of her partner and all who love her. “You’re doing an amazing job.” “I know this feels hard right now, it won’t always feel this hard.” “You are healing more and more every day.” “I dropped a meal on the porch, just wanted to let you know we’re thinking of you and love you.” “How’s today?” “You’re not alone.” You get the picture…
Nourishment of spirit through prayer, singing songs to baby, gently dancing out the emotions as her body is ready and allows. Holding baby skin-to-skin and bonding with this little being who will be by her side as they both integrate what they’ve moved through. Even building a small altar to honor what she’s just been through- lighting a candle and offering thanks to anyone and anything that helped her on the journey.
These are just a few examples of how birth can be better honored as the rite of passage that it is. I’ll elaborate more on how I honored my own birth in a future post.
Reclaim Rites of Passage for a Meaningful Life
It is time we reclaim our rites of passage. Birth, death and all of the life changing transitions that happen between the two. A girl’s first bleed, graduations, career changes, breakups, marriages, retirements, menopause, there are so many transitions to honor.
May we acknowledge these rites of passages for others and may our communities hold us up through ours. When your community doesn’t come through with acknowledgement and support- ask for it. And most importantly, honor yourself through life’s biggest transitions. Do this intentionally and feel the difference it makes.
In honoring rites of passage we embrace big transitions with intention rather than fear. In reclaiming the transformations, life becomes more sacred and more meaningful. We are more fully healed and integrated beings.
To learn more about how you can honor your upcoming birth as the sacred event that it is - check out my birth preparation coaching call and let’s get you on track to create your blissful experience!